FoxNews’ Neil Cavuto offers these tips to President George W. Bush for his upcoming trip to the G8 summit – and his meeting with the French. Neil doesn’t think that the Presdient should be lowering himself to ‘hobnobbing’ with Chirac and the other Frenchmen – however, be that as it may, here are Neil’s tips for a successful trip:
Tip 1: Shake Chirac’s hand, but make it quick. Very quick. Two seconds tops. And no arm and back slapping!
Tip 2: Make it a limp handshake. None of that, Texas-rock-hard-glad-to-see-you-pal-vice-like-grip nonsense you do at Crawford with “real” friends. Make it like you couldn’t be less interested.
Tip 3: Don’t — I repeat don’t — eat their food. They’re going to want to make you sick.
Tip 4: Bring a hot dog. They hate hot dogs. Think it’s the tackiest food on earth, so bring two.
Tip 5: Read a newspaper. While Chirac’s speaking, read a newspaper or set your cell phone to ring constantly.
Tip 6: Rock a lot in your chair. They hated it when you did that last year. Thought it was very rude, even childish. So rock even more this year.
Tip 7: Make a pass at Chirac’s wife. All right, I’m only kidding. but since they don’t have a problem with mistresses, put ‘em to the test.
Tip 8: Spit out their champagne. When they make a toast, spit out the champagne and shout, “This stuff tastes like —-”. (You get the picture.)
Tip 9: Sit next to Tony Blair. They hate him too. You should both talk through the whole meeting, like classroom cutups. They think you’re boorish anyway. Prove it.
Tip 10: Don’t stay long. You have a Middle East peace deal to broker anyway. Just tell them “something came up” or — better yet — be honest and just say it, damnit:“One more minute with you phony, smarmy, condescending, backstabbing worms, and I’ll be nauseous. I gotta go. In the meantime, you go… to hell“.
Or, like I said before, you could be polite and just do the “something came up thing”. Your choice.
I hope all this helps, Mr. President. Have a good trip.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again – - Neil rocks!
Too bad he doesn’t drink anymore(this is for comedy’s sake) he could forgoe the champers and pop open a can of Bud. Hey maybe he could chug a Gatoraide…
this has possibilities.
You have to read this for further suggestions
‘Frank Tips for Meeting With Jacques Chirac’ from IMAO.
Frank has some excellent pointers for the Prez on hisUpcoming Meeting With Jacques Chirac.
Not much else to say, except go Neill!!!
And no, not to Hell, lol…
The only bit of advice I’d dispute is the limpid handshake. Instead, do that handshake where you try and crush the other guy’s bones and you don’t let go, just smile at them as you make them writhe in agony.
Leave the limpid handshakes to the left.
I think he should shake his hand then wipe it like it got something on it. hehe
I say – ALWAYS negotiate, concede, compromise, conciliate, bargain, give and take … for 24 hours (36 tops).
If after that period you don’t have EVERYTHING you want, NUKE THE BASTARDS!
Next case … Let’s keep’em moving!