Funny Headlines
1.Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[No, really?]
2.Crack Found on Governor’s Daughter
[Imagine that!]
3.Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
[Now that's taking things a bit far!]
4.Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
[What a guy!]
5.Miners Refuse to Work after Death
[No-good-for-nothin' lazy so-and-so's!]
6.Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
[See if that works any better than a fair trial!]
7.War Dims Hope for Peace
[I can see where it might have that effect!]
8.If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
[You think?!]
9.Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
[Who would have thought!]
10.Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain;
Police Suspect Homicide
[They may be on to something!]
11.Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
[You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!]
12.Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
[He probably IS the battery charge]
13.New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
[Weren't they fat enough?!]
14.Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]
15.Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
[They taste like chicken?]
16.Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]
17.Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
[Boy, are they tall!]
18.And the winner is….
19.Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
[Did I read that sign right?]
September 30, 2006 - 10:43 AM on September 30th, 2006
Some other good ones:
Eye drops off shelf.
Enraged cow kills farmer with axe
Two ships collide, one dies.
Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing
Two convicts evade noose, jury hung
William Kelly was fed secretary
Milk drinkers are turning to powder
Farmer bill dies in house
Iraqi head seeks arms
Queen Mary having bottom scraped
Prostitutes appeal to Pope
Squad helps dog bite victim
Never withhold herpes from loved one
Autos killing 110 a day, let’s resolve to do better
Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn’t seen in years
Death causes loneliness, feeling of isolation